Past Memories

Today as I was able to talk to a dear old friend I realized that this friend was one of the people that I never thought would play any part in my life. It was strange to realize that as I was talking with her we were talking about some books that we have been reading and she mentioned the name of one of the characters in the Book. Claudia. However the first thing I remembered was a Claudia that I met in Argentina. Poor Claudia, a very obese broken woman. I remember her teeth like most Argentines she had very poor dental hygiene. Probably a mixture of the sugary Maté she drank every morning and the failure to ever brush them or go to a dentist to have any type of dental work done to prevent cavities or any other kind of dental problems that she had. The funny thing is that when we would stop by her house to talk to her and help her two teenage girls with their homework. Claudia would use a sweet diet supplement for her maté rather than sugar to try to diet but at the same time she would send her daughters out each morning for some facturas which is basically a much better version of the doughnut and baked with fat and topped with sugar. So really her diet was nothing more than just for appearances.

Her husband was a taxi cab driver that would come home for a small lunch then go back out to drive. He did have a much better job than a lot of people that lived close by them. At least he could pay the bills and afford to give their daughter her 15 birthday party. Claudia like I said was a broken woman. As we began to get to know her and understand her situation with her children we realized that she had a very hard life. One time when we made our way to her house we walked in and she was in tears. I will never forget the look of this woman, tears streaming down her face heartbroken. When you see that it is a face that reminds you of every time you have ever broken your mothers heart. When I saw her there in her humble home I knew that something was wrong with son. We sat down and through her sobs and tears she continued to tell us what had happened.

Her son had a friend whose mother was going to have a birthday. His friend wanted to buy her something nice for her birthday so Claudia's son offered to lend him some money. His friend replied "I don't want to be in debt to anyone." So they decided to put a toy guns in their pockets and decided to go rob someone at the local bus stop. As they approached the bus stop it was dark and they approached a man and put the toy guns that was in their pockets and told the man to give them his wallet. The decision they made to rob someone that night was the biggest mistake they would ever make. The decision they made to rob that certain man just compounded the mistake they made. The man whose wallet the took was a police officer that was out of uniform but happened to have his fire arm on him. As they ran away he drew his fire arm and yelled "stop police" they didn't stop and he fired. hitting them both but he hit Claudia's son in the leg arm and hand.

Her son was arrested, and held in the local police station. His wounds were not treated or taken care of and because of his decisions he would lose several of his fingers to infection. His decision to help a friend to live a little would be the decision that cause him to lose every last one of his freedoms.

Claudia as she told us cried and sobbed and asked us what she had done wrong as a mother to have her son choose this path. The only thing we could tell her was that she had done nothing wrong. That she did the best that she could and her son was still free to choose what he would do with his life. That no matter what she taught him he still was able choose right from wrong. He chose wrong. There really is nothing you can do to calm the pain that a mother feels when she feels she has lost her child.

To Claudia I hope that you know now that you were a good mother and you taught your children well. I don't know if I will ever see you again but I hope to. I hope that your son realized how much you love him.

To all you out there who might read this. Remember your mothers, if you have hurt them apologize they love you and want the best for you.

First Post

Since I have one of the most monotonous jobs on the planet I figured that I would take the time of day to write about my boring life and post it on here for everyone to see. I do have some good things going for me here in the small town of Rexburg. I have a Job!! That's probably more than half the student population here at BYU-Idaho. You would think that it being a university town there might be a little bit more of an opportunities here but there are hardly any. So that pretty much explains why I am stuck at this little dead end job. At other jobs at least i felt that my work was meaningful to someone. The only thing I care about is reeling in the next person on the phone to get them to give me ten minutes of their life to help me earn a paycheck. I know what a horrible way to look at a person but really that's all they are to me. My next paycheck. If they take the survey i earn more. If they dont i make minimum wage and I wonder how I am going to make it all work. Anyways i suppose its not that bad of a job.

Another thing that has kept me going is the fact that I have a beautiful Fiancee who I love very much and who has been a source of continuous happiness for the last ten months of my life. I had the very painful reminder of my old mission companion of what I might call the biggest mistake of my life. Anyways without going into details the first thing he has said to me since coming home was the one thing that could be the hardest for me to hear. I couldn't believe that the firs thing he would say to me is that. I mean sure I realize he would want to know how it all turned out but what ever happened to taking time and saying HEY! how are you?! Congrats on getting engaged etc?? No he went straight for the jugular! And it was as if 2 years have not changed anything in him or his way of being. What can you do to change those types of people who no matter what they learn or no matter the time that pasts require bringing up one of the things you regret the most? My answer is ignore them. What else can you do? Type in captial letters to know that youre pissed off? Let them get you all riled up and for what? Nothing! I may have made a mistake but it was that mistake that made me realize all that was important in my life! It was that mistake that helped me decide that I want to finish school and be a lawyer not work labor my entire life. While some people like that type of work for me it was not as satisfying as I thought it would be. So if he came and was asking those things in hopes for an apology I could of only said I was sorry for a few things. I realize that I messed up but I also found myself at a crucial point in my life. Wow how things work in our lives!

Now as I proceed in life I am doing things that I never thought I would do at least not at this point in my life. I proposed to the girl that I want to spend eternity with, and she has said yes. We have started to plan our wedding and we have a date and time for our wedding. August 21st at 4pm in the Sacramento Temple, where we will be surrounded by friends and family and will be able to share our joy with all those people that will take time for us.

Speaking of Marriage Brennyn and I talked about how weird the concept of family is. When I think of family I think of my mother and father and sisters and my grandparents and aunts and uncles, cousins etc. Not once have I ever felt that a girl that I date would become "family", I don't know why but it seems so strange to call the girl you love in such a different aspect than you have loved anyone in your life family. I mean I would rather just call her my girlfriend than my wife merely because of the relationship of dating versus marriage. I love that we are getting married but I want the relationship to be one where we are comfortable with each other but without the loss of the relationship we have. So many people lose that I think within the first years of being married. They get so comfortable with each other that instead of building on it they tear out the foundation they already built and put a new one labeled "MARRIAGE" and it's as if they start all over. I don't expect anyone to understand it but for me it's as if they say everything we built till now just doesn't hold up to what we are now. So it's start all over.

I have been reading the chronicles of narnia for the first time since middle school. I love C.S. Lewis and his way of writing he includes so many things from his Christian beliefs into his writing. And I know that many people probably don't think so but when ever I read his works I realize how much he must have loved the Lord Jesus Christ. If you ever read the first two books in the series it's most evident. In the book The Magician's Nephew he writes about the creation of the world Narnia and it's so amazing how he incorporates his christian views into the creation. And while he makes Aslan to play the part of the creator it's obvious that he is symbolic of the creator of our world. Then in The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe he once again uses Aslan as a symbol for the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for us when Aslan goes to the stone tablet and sacrifices himself a blood sacrifice on behalf of the traitor Edmund. All of us are traitors to the Kingdom of Heaven. There is not a time in our lives that we need not call on the atoning saviour of this world. He allowed his blood to be spilled to safe those of us who betray him by sinning. While these books may be written as fantasy for children they also hold the declaration of gratitude to the lord and saviour Jesus Christ. There is one part in particular that was in The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe and it was when Lucy and Susan ask if Edmund needed to be told of the sacrifice that Aslan had made for him and they decided that he had passed through enough. Jesus Christ doesn't require that his pain that we caused be known to us. Repenting can be painful but its no where near the pain that he felt. We have been given so much through the Lord Jesus Christ.

I know that in my life he has been a big factor in the changes that I have experienced. In no way have I lived a perfect life consequently i know that I am full of errors and problems to this day. The one thing that i do take solace in is that he knows my struggles and that when the bitterness of having to repent stings my soul i know that he has felt the sting of my sins and that through proper repentance he can take away the sting. I know that repentance has to include that sting at first and it has to include pain and sorrow and guilt. It is not free of that. If so there would be no reason to repent. I cannot imagine just living a life where you feel that repentance can be a swift process of going to confession and having you told its alright. And then next week go back and confess and have the seen forgiven again. I don't believe in it and i don't see how anyone can believe in it. There is no meat it is empty and hollow.