First Post

Since I have one of the most monotonous jobs on the planet I figured that I would take the time of day to write about my boring life and post it on here for everyone to see. I do have some good things going for me here in the small town of Rexburg. I have a Job!! That's probably more than half the student population here at BYU-Idaho. You would think that it being a university town there might be a little bit more of an opportunities here but there are hardly any. So that pretty much explains why I am stuck at this little dead end job. At other jobs at least i felt that my work was meaningful to someone. The only thing I care about is reeling in the next person on the phone to get them to give me ten minutes of their life to help me earn a paycheck. I know what a horrible way to look at a person but really that's all they are to me. My next paycheck. If they take the survey i earn more. If they dont i make minimum wage and I wonder how I am going to make it all work. Anyways i suppose its not that bad of a job.

Another thing that has kept me going is the fact that I have a beautiful Fiancee who I love very much and who has been a source of continuous happiness for the last ten months of my life. I had the very painful reminder of my old mission companion of what I might call the biggest mistake of my life. Anyways without going into details the first thing he has said to me since coming home was the one thing that could be the hardest for me to hear. I couldn't believe that the firs thing he would say to me is that. I mean sure I realize he would want to know how it all turned out but what ever happened to taking time and saying HEY! how are you?! Congrats on getting engaged etc?? No he went straight for the jugular! And it was as if 2 years have not changed anything in him or his way of being. What can you do to change those types of people who no matter what they learn or no matter the time that pasts require bringing up one of the things you regret the most? My answer is ignore them. What else can you do? Type in captial letters to know that youre pissed off? Let them get you all riled up and for what? Nothing! I may have made a mistake but it was that mistake that made me realize all that was important in my life! It was that mistake that helped me decide that I want to finish school and be a lawyer not work labor my entire life. While some people like that type of work for me it was not as satisfying as I thought it would be. So if he came and was asking those things in hopes for an apology I could of only said I was sorry for a few things. I realize that I messed up but I also found myself at a crucial point in my life. Wow how things work in our lives!

Now as I proceed in life I am doing things that I never thought I would do at least not at this point in my life. I proposed to the girl that I want to spend eternity with, and she has said yes. We have started to plan our wedding and we have a date and time for our wedding. August 21st at 4pm in the Sacramento Temple, where we will be surrounded by friends and family and will be able to share our joy with all those people that will take time for us.

Speaking of Marriage Brennyn and I talked about how weird the concept of family is. When I think of family I think of my mother and father and sisters and my grandparents and aunts and uncles, cousins etc. Not once have I ever felt that a girl that I date would become "family", I don't know why but it seems so strange to call the girl you love in such a different aspect than you have loved anyone in your life family. I mean I would rather just call her my girlfriend than my wife merely because of the relationship of dating versus marriage. I love that we are getting married but I want the relationship to be one where we are comfortable with each other but without the loss of the relationship we have. So many people lose that I think within the first years of being married. They get so comfortable with each other that instead of building on it they tear out the foundation they already built and put a new one labeled "MARRIAGE" and it's as if they start all over. I don't expect anyone to understand it but for me it's as if they say everything we built till now just doesn't hold up to what we are now. So it's start all over.

I have been reading the chronicles of narnia for the first time since middle school. I love C.S. Lewis and his way of writing he includes so many things from his Christian beliefs into his writing. And I know that many people probably don't think so but when ever I read his works I realize how much he must have loved the Lord Jesus Christ. If you ever read the first two books in the series it's most evident. In the book The Magician's Nephew he writes about the creation of the world Narnia and it's so amazing how he incorporates his christian views into the creation. And while he makes Aslan to play the part of the creator it's obvious that he is symbolic of the creator of our world. Then in The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe he once again uses Aslan as a symbol for the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for us when Aslan goes to the stone tablet and sacrifices himself a blood sacrifice on behalf of the traitor Edmund. All of us are traitors to the Kingdom of Heaven. There is not a time in our lives that we need not call on the atoning saviour of this world. He allowed his blood to be spilled to safe those of us who betray him by sinning. While these books may be written as fantasy for children they also hold the declaration of gratitude to the lord and saviour Jesus Christ. There is one part in particular that was in The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe and it was when Lucy and Susan ask if Edmund needed to be told of the sacrifice that Aslan had made for him and they decided that he had passed through enough. Jesus Christ doesn't require that his pain that we caused be known to us. Repenting can be painful but its no where near the pain that he felt. We have been given so much through the Lord Jesus Christ.

I know that in my life he has been a big factor in the changes that I have experienced. In no way have I lived a perfect life consequently i know that I am full of errors and problems to this day. The one thing that i do take solace in is that he knows my struggles and that when the bitterness of having to repent stings my soul i know that he has felt the sting of my sins and that through proper repentance he can take away the sting. I know that repentance has to include that sting at first and it has to include pain and sorrow and guilt. It is not free of that. If so there would be no reason to repent. I cannot imagine just living a life where you feel that repentance can be a swift process of going to confession and having you told its alright. And then next week go back and confess and have the seen forgiven again. I don't believe in it and i don't see how anyone can believe in it. There is no meat it is empty and hollow.